The journey has begun

So, the journey has begun. My apartment was handed over to the owner at the end of February 2020. Now it is me and my Aleka, the camper van that now hosts me.

For some strange reason, all the stress of the last months (not to mention, years) broke out on the day of my birthday, February 15, 2020 with a panic attack combined with a gastritis. My health deteriorated sharply, but that did not stop me from leaving, only a slight delay was due. On March 10, I had already arrived at Greece. With me, the coronavirus crisis, too. I suffered a lot with doctors and examinations, which just confirmed that I am physically very well and all my symptoms are psychosomatic. I learned to live with my symptoms and began to find ways to manage them. I have not perfected my technique yet, but I am improving. By and large, I started my journey in the mountains of Greece, which is (today, July 22) still in progress.

This trip is not of a tourist nature. I mostly seek self-knowledge, through my lonely path in the provincial and forest roads, the abandoned villages, the few locals, the unique beauty of the Greek nature. I want to meet my real self, the one that was hidden in the noisy life of the city, inside the dummy that the system created for me. To get to know my self who exploded on the day of my birthday, because he could no longer bear to hide behind a face, and aspirations foreign to him.

At first I hated my old self, I considered the time spent idle as wasted. Gradually, with the help of others, I began to come to terms with my past, which was ultimately the reason I arrived at today's complete life change.

At first I hated my stomach and my heart for the symptoms they gave me. I considered them an opponents in my new plans. Now I am learning to love them, they are part of me anyway. As a friend suggested to me, I begin to treat them like a tortured, terrified child or animal, who crossed my way desperate for help. I try to find a way to embrace them, to take care of them, temporarily as if they were not part of me, and then to incorporate them inside me as they deserve. This is an unprecedented project for me, but I am sure I will succeed, as I have done so many times in the past.

My true self erupted because it had something to tell me. At this stage, I must listen to him and take care of him, because he is hurt and scared. With him, hand in hand, we will travel the world and get to know each other for the first time.