It is the awkward moment when your pupils shrink and your field of vision narrows down, centering on "this is what I want." When the nostrils are flaring, and the watch you wear becomes an annoying jewelry.
At that moment, your heart becomes a countdown timer. As if you are under the likeness of the Holy Spirit, you suddenly know. The protagonists in your life up to that moment become foolish extras. And everything you had been considering until then as precious, becomes a lead ball chained to your leg.
Everything you did't know till then becomes now meaningful, and everything you knew becomes silly. Pebbles acquire a soul, and your arms feel extended. In your dimension, you and your plan are in a divine harmony. Horseflies buzzing around you do not bother you anymore.
It's the time for big decisions. The moment you take off the clothes that others have chosen for you, which you have been squeezing yourself in for so many years without knowing it. It's the moment you will plug your ears, to hear only whispers from inside. When you realize that the biggest cost is not the wasted years that have passed, but the wasted years that will come, if you do not make the right decisions.
"That's what I want." And I will get it through a lonely route, just like we are born and die. A route that will take me from "That's what I want" to "That's what I am." And if I fail, no regrets; the fact that I approached it will suffice.
Monday, May 6, 2019
Sunday, May 5, 2019
Like a lion in the cage
So, here I am, following the drop-out plan.
Everything that I have no use for, has been posted in various online markets for sale. Pretty good progress so far, but a lot still to go. I am impatient.
Every day that goes by unrelated to the plan, is a wasted day. Everything seems to have its own pace, whatever I do.
The issue with the mortgage, after my wooden house was destroyed in the devastating wildfire on July 23rd 2018, is still pending. One upcoming court hearing with the same bank, related to a private loan, is due in May. The mortgage court hearing is due in June. I need to play along with the system's rules, until I am finally free.
I was thrilled to receive information about the Camino de Santiago. it came up unexpectedly, and blew my mind. I need to hike it. It's a decision made, only the exact time remains to be decided upon. I want to walk the entire distance from my home in Switzerland to Fisterra, Spain... all 2200 kilometers of it. Am I overoptimistic? I will soon find out. I will do it this summer, will probably need 2 months or more. I am buying a rucksack; otherwise, most of the required equipment I already have.
My patience has long expired. I am walking in my home in circles, like a lion in the cage. Somehow, starting off before setting things right seems not feasible. Or is it just me... and my fears, my stress for the unknown. So much "code" to delete, convictions from the past that restrict the future. I need to get rid of them ASAP.
Somehow, Chopin seemed the appropriate background music, for writing this piece. It relaxes me. It soothes my restlessness. Everything will happen at the right time, the universe knows better than us. We just need to take the proper junction and ride the proper parallel universe, in the multitude of options. And then, everything comes in place, by itself. I trust. I know.
I feel I do not belong to the current dimensions, I need to move out of them, I suffocate. Ah, patience i don't have. Why... So many years have passed in oblivion, why rush now! But, after taking the red pill, the "reality" is so unbearable. I urgently need another reality. My reality.
It's reassuring to learn that I am not the only one who thinks like this, and I am not crazy. People are actually doing it right now, as we speak. Jeremy Noronha is one of them.
Everything that I have no use for, has been posted in various online markets for sale. Pretty good progress so far, but a lot still to go. I am impatient.
Every day that goes by unrelated to the plan, is a wasted day. Everything seems to have its own pace, whatever I do.
The issue with the mortgage, after my wooden house was destroyed in the devastating wildfire on July 23rd 2018, is still pending. One upcoming court hearing with the same bank, related to a private loan, is due in May. The mortgage court hearing is due in June. I need to play along with the system's rules, until I am finally free.
I was thrilled to receive information about the Camino de Santiago. it came up unexpectedly, and blew my mind. I need to hike it. It's a decision made, only the exact time remains to be decided upon. I want to walk the entire distance from my home in Switzerland to Fisterra, Spain... all 2200 kilometers of it. Am I overoptimistic? I will soon find out. I will do it this summer, will probably need 2 months or more. I am buying a rucksack; otherwise, most of the required equipment I already have.
My patience has long expired. I am walking in my home in circles, like a lion in the cage. Somehow, starting off before setting things right seems not feasible. Or is it just me... and my fears, my stress for the unknown. So much "code" to delete, convictions from the past that restrict the future. I need to get rid of them ASAP.
Somehow, Chopin seemed the appropriate background music, for writing this piece. It relaxes me. It soothes my restlessness. Everything will happen at the right time, the universe knows better than us. We just need to take the proper junction and ride the proper parallel universe, in the multitude of options. And then, everything comes in place, by itself. I trust. I know.
I feel I do not belong to the current dimensions, I need to move out of them, I suffocate. Ah, patience i don't have. Why... So many years have passed in oblivion, why rush now! But, after taking the red pill, the "reality" is so unbearable. I urgently need another reality. My reality.
It's reassuring to learn that I am not the only one who thinks like this, and I am not crazy. People are actually doing it right now, as we speak. Jeremy Noronha is one of them.
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